This is an essay I wrote for the Central Vermont Runners newsletter. I thought I would share it here as well. Enjoy!
I am not a runner.
For fifty-one years I took comfort in that fact. I did not run, could not run, would not run. I had very little interest in running.
I suppose I should asterisk this. Of course I had run in my lifetime. It was unavoidable as a kid involved in sports. But that was running, not Running. And I wasn’t very good at it. I was “husky” and slow. This was best illustrated in my last year of playing Babe Ruth league baseball. I was one of the oldest and biggest kids in the league that year, by virtue of my birthdate. Playing a game at the high school field, I sent a ball over the center fielder’s head, and slid into third with a triple.
“I wanted to send you home,” my coach said. “But it took you forever just to get here!”
So no, I was not born a runner. This truth was self-evident.
I moved to Vermont in 2014, to work for an employer that thought of the Corporate Cup as a perfect team building event. Every year we entered several teams, both walkers and runners. I joined a walking team in 2015, and again in 2016.
One thing I am is a person who is interested in data, and sports statistics, and standings. In poring over the Corporate Cup results, I saw that there many “runners” with times much slower than my 51-minute power walk. I figured I could jog the course as a runner and not be particularly close to the bottom of the field.
So in 2017 I joined a running team. I had two goals: run all the way to the end, and don’t finish in last place. I was confident of the latter at least. I did manage to run the full course, slowly, and finish ahead of more than 900 other runners. Success! But this success was joined with a benchmark. Surely I can run a 5K in under 32 minutes.
I actually did some training for the 2018 race, both on the treadmill and on the streets. By now I was recording my runs on Runkeeper, via my phone, and hitting a near-10-minute mile pace for 5K. I was very pace-oriented, trying to run a little faster each time. This was a training plan I had made up for myself. Unfortunately the evening before the race I stepped in a pothole on my walk home and twisted my ankle. It was swollen and sore, but not broken. Thanks to a combination of stubbornness and ibuprofen, I ended up running the whole race. It was slower than I had been hoping, but I still cut a minute-plus of the previous year and finished ahead of 1,100 other runners. This was the first time in my life I had ignored an injury in order to go for a run. It would not be the last.
The disappointment of having an injury impact my race I believe made me more motivated. I was now determined to break 30 minutes and finish in the top half of the field the next year, so I continued to run once or twice per week through the summer. I even entered a couple of other races along the way to check my progress.
One of those was the New Year’s Eve 5K in Montpelier, and since the weather was good that day I decided to sign up. There were two things about that race. First, this was the first time I had ever run uphill, which was a pretty impressive statistic considering I had been running in Vermont for almost two years by then.
Second, at registration, I was asked if I was a member of Central Vermont Runners, or was I interested in joining? I of course said no. I am not a runner, so why would I join a running club? I am just getting practice to run a respectable Corporate Cup here. But I was curious about CVR; I discovered that membership was cheap, and that they had a race series. I suddenly found myself curious if I could avoid finishing last in a race season. I signed up.
I quickly found out that I had a great capacity to finish near the bottom in my age group. Race after race I was either last or next to last in the M50-59 category. I decided that my phone was no longer cutting it – I needed a watch so I could monitor my pace while running. And I LOVED having a watch on my wrist. I was constantly looking at my pace, no matter the run, and calculating how fast I would finish my run. I figured the way to get faster was to try to run faster each time I ran.
I obviously had no idea what I was doing. The other evidence to that effect was the fact that so many of my 2019 races were, at the time, the longest distance I had ever run. The first time I ran 10 kilometers was a race (Kaynors). The first time I ever ran 10 miles was a race (Paul Mailman). I cracked my tibia on a hike on Memorial Day, which set me back two months. So the second half of the year was much the same, trying to just build up to the distance of the next race. Eventually I decided to run the Leaf Peepers Half Marathon, which in turn was the first time I ever ran more than ten miles.
It was also the first time I got any decent points in the race series. I was very slow (2:15), but was the only CVR member in my age group who ran that distance. That earned me 100 points and vaulted me into second place for the season, behind only Jim Flint, who won our age group for pretty much every race he entered that season. If there was a prize for second place, it surely would have counted as a participation trophy.
If 2019 was about running races, then 2020 was about running miles. I ended up with 411 miles in 2019, which was more than I had run in my previous 53 years combined. Having built up my weekly miles at the end of the year, along with an appetite for longer races, I set a goal of 1,010 miles to run in the year 2020. It was a big stretch but also seemed achievable.
As it turns out, race motivation wouldn’t be an option anyway. I only ran two live races in 2020. The first was a half marathon in Phoenix that was meant to be a tune up for the Vermont City Marathon, which I had entered in the half marathon relay. Before the next race could be run, you might recall, a pandemic hit.
The shutdown occurred in March, and I ended up running 100 miles in a month for the first time. Then again the following month. And again. And again. During the summer I decided to run every street in Montpelier. I ran every virtual race that came my way. I had even learned some better training methods, and found myself lowering my times without constantly monitoring my watch. I ran with friends who took me to the hills of East Montpelier and on trails. In October the Half Marathon Unplugged was run as a live race in Burlington, and I managed to cut 20 minutes off my Leaf Peepers benchmark.
I exceeded my goal in early November and finished the year with 1,250 miles run. Once again, this was more than I had run in my entire life to date. So naturally I increased my goal for 2021 to 1,500 miles. This would require me to run nearly 30 miles per week, which would have been unfathomable just two years prior. With the promise of races coming back, and the hope to move beyond the half marathon distance, I was reasonably confident that I could achieve this goal, though there would be little margin for error. I probably couldn’t afford an injury.
SPOILER ALERT: I got an injury. Actually a couple of injuries. This may come as a surprise to the reader, but it’s true. In the spring I dealt with an Achilles problem, which mostly helped me focus on proper form along with pre- and post-race routines. I still managed to hit 100 miles every month, though February cut it close.
The second injury was much more significant, even though it wasn’t running related. I suffered a broken arm while playing baseball. As it turns out, when a bone is in two pieces, any jostling causes a great deal of pain. And running jostles arms as well as legs. I was completely sidelined for over two weeks, and limited for a few weeks afterward. In September I failed to reach 100 miles for the first time in 18 months.
A funny thing happened along the way. September and October were meant to be heavy race months, and I ended up dropping out of almost all of them. Similar to the 2018 sprained ankle incident, this spurred me on to do things I likely would not have considered otherwise. In this case, Matt Caldwell, one of my Runderachievers buddies, mentioned the Race For DFL coming up in November. This is a “last person standing” event, in which everybody runs a 4.16 mile course every hour until only one person remains. It seemed crazy, but I was itching for a race and there weren’t a lot others to choose from.
Before I signed up, I decided to do a practice run in Montpelier, out and back on the bike path for four miles. I did this five times, for a total of 20 miles run. It was the longest I had ever run before, and I discovered that I really liked it. This was pushing myself, but being able to take time to regroup after each lap. It was an eye-opening day for me, one that seemed to completely change my relationship with running.
A few weeks later I headed to Chesterfield Gorge in Massachusetts to run the actual race. I expected to be able to best my 20-mile run, but my stretch goal was 8 laps, or 33 miles. It was an interesting day for me, experiencing the camaraderie of the Ultra community for the first time. My feet and knees were ready to be done after 25 miles, but I managed to run two more laps to get over 50K and make this an official ultramarathon. Not bad for someone who had never run more than 15 miles a few weeks earlier.
I came out of the Race for DFL with a different perspective, and a different understanding of what kind of runner I was going to be. I find myself motivated by races, and also by the idea of pushing myself past my comfort zone. I am less motivated by the notion of punching out 4-5 mile runs every day to meet an arbitrary mileage goal. (Which I still did over the last six weeks of the year, because although the goal no longer seemed important, well, I still needed to do it.) After three years and 3,000 miles, I may have finally figured out why I am doing this.
